I don't know what to do. I have so many different emotions built up inside of me. I'm lonely, scared, and now I feel guilty. I didn't mean to upset him online today. But I think I did. Him and his friend were messing with the webcam, laughing and joking around. I was crying, and I had another bad day, and that made me feel worse. It hurt to see him over there goofing off with his friend while I sat here alone and crying. I felt like I was the furthest thing from his mind. And I wonder what his friend thought, and what they were saying. I'm sure he thinks I'm a big bitch for being upset. He was supossed to call, but he didn't. I guess he went to sleep or maybe he's not calling cause I made him mad and he doesn't feeling like dealing with it right now. I feel terrible. I'm glad to see that he was happy and laughing. It's important that he's able to be in a good mood while he's over there but at the same time I felt like he should have been more focused on talking to me, instead of laughing and joking around with his friend, especially since I was crying. It hurt. Once again I sit here feeling like shit cause I have no control over the situation. I really thought he was going to call me, especially since he knew how upset I was, but I guess not. Someone did just call here, but it got disconnected right away. I wonder if maybe it was him. I really need to hear his voice. We got to talk on the computer, but haven't talked on the phone for 3-4 days. Talking online is great,cause we get to talk alot more often, but at the same time, hearing his voice comforts me. And right now I need that comfort.I can't wait for the day that he comes home and I can touch him again. God, this is so hard. It hurts that we can't be together right now. I mean, I am strong enough to do this, and I know that we're gonna get through it, But it just gets really hard sometimes. I thought it would help having Dawn here , but all she does is come home from work and go to sleep. She doesn't help me at all. Right now, I could really use a break. Denny's acting up, I'm in a bad mood, the dog's getting on my nerves with her whining, and Dawn's just sleeping on the couch AGAIN! and I have to sit at the desk cause she's taking up the whole couch, and Denny's on the chair. I can't even watch TV in my own house without going into the bedroom. I know that alot of this is my own fault, and I could just say something, but I just don't feel like it. I have school work, and I don't feel like doing it, and I have cleaning to do,but I don't feel like doing it. I don't feel like doing anything anymore, but be with him, and I can't. I know I'm making this harder on myself, but I don't know how to stop it, or fix it. I'm so scared. I feel like my life is worthless today. Nothing's going right, I know in my heart that it's not good to feel like this, but I can't help it/ I can't force myself to be ok with this, and i can't even make myself cry. This is horrible, the worst I think I've ever felt. Sometimes, I still wonder how I will get through this.