I haven't talked to him yet today, he im'd me this morning to let me know he would be out on the road somewhere again. I like knowing as much as I can, but it still doesn't stop the wondering and worrying that I do back here at home. It's nice out today, sunny and hot. I could be doing something, but I have no motivation to do anything. I did manage to get a shower, and get out to pay the bills. But that's all I did today. I'm still waiting for the im that says he's made it back and that he's safe again. I always feel so relieved when I get that message from him. A huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. But, the worrying starts right back up the next time he's out on the road. I've thought about what it would be like if I didn't know, but then I would be more worried when I didn't hear from him. It's a no win situation here. I'm gonna worry regardless. I just want this to get better. I can't wait for the day that he's back home with us again. Everything still feels empty around this house without him. And only about 2 weeks ago, he was here for his 15 short days of leave. That time went by so fast, why can't it go by fast now that he's gone again. I think I'm making this harder on myself, but I don't know how to stop the worrying. I can't get rid of the empty feeling I have without him here. I didn't even eat anything yet today, I have no appetite. No desire to eat, no desire to do anything. I have to get myself out of this mood. I have to get past this somehow. I wish my counseling appt was today instead of next week. I don't want to wait that long to talk to someone. But, who is there to talk to now. No one. I feel like there's no one there to listen, no one that understands, because no one feels the way I do. What am I gonna do about this. I have to figure this out, and find a way to get through the rest of this deployment. The one person that always is there to listen, and always makes me feel better is 7000 miles away dealing with more than I can ever imagine. I want to share my thoughts and feelings with him. But, I don't want to cause things to be harder for him. He worries so much about me already, I don't want him to worry more. I need him now though. He's the only thing that will make me feel better. I know this sounds crazy and I never wanted to depend on anyone, but when he's not here it feels like a piece of me is missing. How can I go on feeling like a piece of me is missing, feeling so miserable, and so incomplete. I just want to be ok again.