The second half begins

He's been gone for about 7 hours now, but it already feels like an eternity. It's like starting this deployment all over again. Watching him leave today was harder than the first time. The 15 days he was home were the best 15 days of my life. But I think it's harder because I felt like we just had our family back and now he's gone, and it's falling apart again. Everything inside of me feels like it's falling apart when he's not here. I never imagined a pain this great. I want to scream cause there's nothing I can do to bring him back home to me.
I'm trying to understand that this is his job, but I'm having a hard time cause I want him home with me. I feel so selfish for feeling this way. And guilty because I let him know my feelings. That just stressed him out even more. He definately doesn't need that, he's already got so much to deal with. I know everything's gonna be ok. But without him here I feel like everything's spinning out of control. He's my strength, my stability, and my safety. The love of my life, and I miss him already. I want him to come back. If there was only a way. I want it to be ok. I want to feel whole again, and from the minute he waled away from me, my heart sunk, and left me here feeling like an empty shell of a person. I know this isn't good for me, and it scares me cause I've never been like this.