Countdown, day 1

Well, I've made it through the frist day without him. Barely. I'm feeling lonely, and sad because he's not here. but once again I'm left to wait for the phone to ring and here his voice on the other end. He might call soon, and right now I can't sleep. I'm exhausted, but when he left the first time, I was so tried when I did fall asleep, I didn't hear the phone ring, and I don't want that to happen again.
So many thoughts running through my mind a million miles a minute. No one understands, and I have no one to talk to. It hurts knowing that everyone else's husbands are still home and mine's gone. I want mine here too. I happy for my friends, and that right now their families are still together.
I think I'm in denial right now. I still believe, or at least I feel like there's still a chance of him coming back home to me now.
I don't want to make things bad for him, by being like this, but I'm having a hard time dealing with this whole thing. I just feel like I need him here with us. That's so selfish, but I can't help how I feel. I don't know what to do or where to turn. I feel so helpless, and so confused. It hurts.