Countdown, Day 2

I got to talk to him yesterday, he's still on his way back, but at least I know that his journey so far has been safe. He sounded pretty good, a little tired, but I expected that. I'm a little worried about him because he's so worried about me. He keeps apologizing and blaming himself for this whole thing. But it's not his fault. I feel terrible for making things harder for him, and I never tried to. It was never my intention to make him feel bad about the way I'm handling this deployment. I can only hope that by the time he gets back to where he's going, that he'll be feeling better and will be a little less worried than he was when he left.
As for me, I think I'm doing a little better, at least today so far. I'm still waiting to hear from him again. He said he'd call from the next place he was going to, but I'm sure he's very busy. I'll hear from him when he gets some time.
I'm planning on making the trip back home for a little bit, I haven't decided how long to stay up there though, but probably at least a week. I just want to be able to handle this, and go about my life like my friends do. They are able to carry on like it's nothing. I guess I'm not as strong or independent as I thought I was. Maybe after this is over and he is home, the next time I'll be better. That is if there is a next time. I'm afraid that my pain, and worry has caused him to give up on being in the military. He's already saying that he's not reenlisting. I don't want to be the cause of him getting out of the military. But I'm very grateful that he loves me so much that he just wants to see me happy. And that he would do that for me. I still feel like he's throwing away everything that's he's worked for over me, and that's really not fair to him. I guess we still have a while to sort through that decision, but I just hope we're able to do the right thing for our family as a whole.